Waiting

This particular calendar seemed fitting, given the year.

All my applications are in. Now all I can do is wait. When it was still last year, and I was mostly finished but still waiting on letters, I was assuming that I wouldn’t hear back from schools until late March or April. Now that I’ve learned that I may start hearing back as soon as early February, I’ve entered Nervous Mode and it’s all I can think about.

Last year was rough for me. My employment was uncertain sometimes, and when I did have jobs they weren’t a great fit for me and so it was quite stressful. Add to that uncertainty about whether I’d get into school, and if I do, where, and if I’ll get funding, plus Ron’s unhappiness with his job and uncertainty about what he was doing next, and it was a very stressful year.

This year practically has to be better, just because it’s not last year. And (if I try to remain positive) I’ll be starting school in the fall, and Ron has made a lot of progress towards his future just this past week. I’m trying to take care of myself better this year, too, and I’m probably on the longest streak of taking vitamins every day that I’ve ever had, so it’s a good start. Things are definitely going to get better.

I just wish they’d get better quickly, because I’m terribly tired of not knowing.

But even regardless of the stress of last year, waiting is always hard. I should find something to distract myself. Work isn’t good for that, since both of my jobs are fairly tedious and leave me with plenty of attention free for thinking and worrying and panicking, so most of my waiting goes on during work hours, and that can’t be helped. Once I’m home, there’s dinner to make, cleaning to do, and TV to watch, so that’s not so bad. But I can’t help but feel that the next few months will stretch on forever.

Hurry up, April! April is the month of decisions, and while I have a really hard time with decisions, at least they give me something real to worry about. And depending on which schools I get into and what kind of funding offers I get, it might be a really easy decision. So hurry up, April! I can’t take much more of this waiting.

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